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TRIGGER WARNING: If you defend rape jokes, chances are you’re not as funny or evolved as you think

Here’s the thing: defenders of Daniel Tosh (and rape jokes in general) tend to have this thing where they act so evolved and hilarious like those of us taking offense are just not as funny or brilliant as they are. And the reality is, they’re just fucking assholes.

Check it out: I love stand up; comedians are my rockstars. I could gush at length about my favorites and compare styles. Anyone who knows me knows I’m constantly referring to bits I’ve seen people perform. I nerd out hardcore. Not only that, but I’ve done stand up. I thoroughly enjoy it. The very first time I performed, it was assumed I’d been doing it for years, by comedians who had been doing it for years. After only a few performances, I was offered a spot in a showcase. I’m not saying I’m the shit at it or the greatest comedian of all time, but I am trying to illustrate that I get it. All of these comedians are acting like Funny is an Exclusive Club that they run and anyone who doesn’t Get It is turned away at the door… but you can get comedy and still find rape jokes highly inappropriate.

Comedy is a personal philosophy of mine. I believe I can make anything in my life better by laughing about it. But that’s the key: my life. I have been fortunate in the sense that I haven’t come across anything I couldn’t laugh about… But that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible that that philosophy may fail me one day. It just means I’ve been very fortunate. I had a house fire a while back that still causes me problems legally and financially, I broke down about it just the other day, and yet I still joke about it. Would I joke about rape if I’d been assaulted? Probably not, but I have no idea because I’ve never been. I’m certainly not going to sit here and tell a rape victim to lighten up when I’ve never experienced that trauma. How fucked up is it for me to try and define someone else’s experience? To tell them that their pain is laugh worthy? Come on. If a comedian out there experiences rape and chooses to make jokes about it, that’s their prerogative. That’s how they’ve chosen to cope with the pain. I’ve never heard of it, but I’m not going to police someone else’s reactions. Everyone has different coping mechanisms. So long as you’re not harming anyone else, do what you gotta do.

Because ultimately Daniel Tosh (and many of his defenders) is a cis white male in a society that encourages cis white men to define the experiences of others and gives them the power to do so. His show can be hilarious, yes, I admit I’ve laughed incredibly hard at it. But I no longer watch it because it’s also casually racist and misogynistic… Because Tosh is a member of the most privileged subset of our society and has unfortunately chosen not to check that power. He has the ability to credibly define the experiences of other people, and he has the ability to defend defining the experiences of other people because that’s how our society is set up. It’s a very effective tool. If the party in power can paint the opposition as unreasonable, there is no reason to consider the possibility that their position could very well be valid. The party in power stays comfortable within their protective bubble.

And if rape is a joke, something that can easily be laughed off with a “lighten up!”, how can we ever expect to take a rape victim’s experiences seriously? If we are so casually able to define their experiences, how do we expect to appropriately reprimand their attackers? Men can be raped, and women can be rapists, but either way we live in a culture that blames the victim, that teaches not to get raped rather than not to rape, that wonders what a woman was wearing when she was attacked, that teaches that boys can’t help themselves, that rape victims shouldn’t take it so seriously, etc..

Rape is not that big of a deal, apparently, and everyone who thinks so should just lighten up.

There are so many other things to joke about, why do you seemingly need to joke about rape? If you’re really funny, you’ll find something else to say. There is no “point” to prove that doesn’t make you a total dickhole.




We are seriously so disappointed in a lot of the comments regarding a submission by a transman:

We do not accept hate in any form. Our blog is open to all members of the LGBTQ community and if you would actually take a look at our description, it says: 

“We are open to all submissions, whether you’re lesbian, pansexual, bisexual, confused, questioning, or transgender. 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions about the LGBT lifestyle, but this is a NO H8 blog and demeaning, derogatory or just plain hateful or hurtful submissions or questions will not be posted.”

The blog is named TexasLesbians because it was created by two lesbians who live in Texas. None of you have the right to say who is welcome to submit here and who isn’t. We accept EVERY member of the LGBTQ community and we cannot stress that enough.

Please take your negative comments elsewhere. And please, if you have any grievances please take them up with us. DO NOT attack any of our followers.

Thank you.




I’m sorry, but texaslesbians should be ashamed of themselves, leaving pissy notes and self righteous posts, wagging their fingers at trans* men. Seriously, cis people, we have absolutely no place telling trans* individuals how to feel about a trans* man posting on a lesbian blog. We have privileges as cis individuals that mean we will never know how it feels to have our gender completely disregarded regularly, to be told we’re confused about our gender, etc.. I have had trans* men tell me that some people insist they’re just confused lesbians, so, hey, ever think there might be a reason they feel the way they do? We don’t know what it means to be trans*, what life experiences that entails and how it shapes us and our world view, so we shouldn’t pretend to. As lesbians, we are used to having our gender expression questioned on a widespread societal scale, but not our actual gender. We have no concept of that, so we should never scold trans* individuals on their own life experiences. I know I wouldn’t want a straight person telling me how to react to something within the gay community or a man telling me how to react to something another woman did. You could have explained yourself a little nicer, rather than trying to make people feel like shit for something of which we have absolutely no concept. From what I saw of the men you contacted, nobody was *harassing* anybody, but you guys had to swoop in and be self-righteous dicks. I swear to g, lesbians are on a whole some of the most cissexist people I’ve seen, and as a lesbian that really makes me sad.


bite marks are love notes: The next time someone reblogs a picture of mine, no matter who it was from… The next time I am referred to as a male I…


Do I look like a fucking man to you ? Cause yes, totally my cunt and boobs completely scream “MAN”.

There are such things as female doms and there are also such things as lesbian doms. Get your shit together, use some common sense, open your eyes and realize when the source…

You have a valid point (not that it goes with this?), but… The fact here is; I am a woman and I do not like being referred to as a man. I have complete respect for people who identify with how they feel or what feels most comfortable to them. But, I am not a man and quite frankly I do not like being called one. So really, I don’t see how your point goes with any of that considering I get offended with being called a man and that was what this note was about. These people would be offended if they were called something they don’t like to be referred to by so why should I be any different? So sorry, but no. 

Actually, the point BMALN made does go with what you said. You said, and I quote, “Cause yes, totally my cunt and boobs completely scream ‘MAN’.” Thereby implying that men posess neither a cunt nor boobs.

Sorry to break it to you brosef, but they do. Your junk =/= your gender.

I’m a dyke as well, although admittedly a bit softer. I also have a huge rack, so I don’t typically get referred to as male by anybody other than my homophobic boss. When I was a kid, I was super gay and when I cut my hair short I was often mistaken for a boy. And yeah it made me mad.

But that was when I was naive enough to believe that society’s perception of me affected my identity in anyway. Do I get irritated when my boss refers to my dad and I as “father and son”? Yes, but I don’t shove my double D’s in her face and begin to unzip my pants. I get mad because of her closed minded perception of sexuality, not my own closed minded perception of gender.



I have days were all I want to do is yell at the administration of UCSC. FOR SO MANY REASONS! Not to mention I am paying more and getting less than the students before me. I get so angry sometimes.

Not to mention my theater arts teacher made some ignorant comments in class yesterday…such as referring to the kardashians as retardashians. WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT. I could care less what someone’s opinion is about the Kardashians, but seriously was using the word retard in a derogatory sense and telling the whole class about it appropriate? Fuck no, I just lost so much respect. After that comment people in class started talking about how much they hate the Kardashians and blah blah blah and how they use their bodies for fame and so on. Did I mention the theme of our class is WOMEN IN THEATER and how women are represented as sexual whores or virgin Madonna’s. We just got done discussing how it is ridiculous that women are not represented positively if they show sexual desire, they are usually represented as unstable or murderous (which is fucked up, but a part of the structure of American society) and the class was STILL shit talking and downgrading “sexy” women right after that conversation. AND THE CHERRY ON TOP! My teacher turns to my friend and I (we are Feminist Studies Majors) and asks us (she doesn’t ever ask our opinion on the plays and stuff, not that I don’t give it, but she glosses over my response if it makes her uncomfortable, but I digress) so she asks us this; “Feminists why do women with curvy bodies get represented as sexy”…………WTF………..I said “I can’t speak for a whole group of people, but my understanding of feminism is not analyzing the behavior but analyzing why all of you think the behavior is inappropriate.” (and what system of thinking makes certain identities both in or out of a so called “norm”) I think I rambled more, I mean you cannot sum up feminist thinking in one sentence, ever. MOSTLY I just wanted to point out how ridiculous the class was being, so I am pretty sure everyone hates me now. haha. oh well.


I don’t have it all figured out and from my experience I probably won’t ever have it all figured out but what I do have is a sense of what behavior is hurtful, harmful and deadly. Eventually through confidence and better educating myself I will be able to speak on things more elegantly. BUT for now I am at that angry stage, it feels like forever anger. My skin crawls and I have grown to be disgusted with American society which is destabilizing considering how conservative and “American” my family is. I love them so much and sometimes it is so difficult. They find it difficult too, they resort to joking about how now that I am going to college I have become a “liberal” or they hint at me being better than them. Neither is the case, what is actually happening is that I am starting to find the right words to say what I have thought and felt all a long. I am learning to come to terms with knowing my family might not ever understand what I am doing with my life.

Sometimes UCSC is so lonely. I am 26 and back in school and I have days that I feel like an awkward teenager. This experience has been both amazing and terrifying. I have had shameful days of missing ignorance and empowering days of encountering amazing individuals who are helping me to make a foundation for the rest of my life. Sometimes I just want to live in a mountain alone away from other people, away from hate and ignorance. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, like when I am in a classroom full of students who are unknowingly being so hateful and close-minded, and I get angry, emotion comes out of my voice, I know that they can see I am upset because I have not mastered being calm in my response’s. I am not sure I ever will, this stuff hits me at the core, it makes me want to vomit, it makes me hate people (which is counter productive). But I love people, and that is why this kind of behavior makes me sick.

A while back when I was co-facilitating a CQ training a blond white girl told me that people talk about race too much and if we didn’t then maybe we would get a long better. My first reaction was how the hell am I going to respond to this without making her feel like an asshole and without needing five million hours to explain the whole situation. Since time was limited and it was my first experience with responding to students about this as a facilitator my best response on short notice was “Some people in life don’t have the privilege to not think about or be affected by race every moment of every day and that is why it needs to be talked about”. Sometimes I look back and think about all of the other things I could have said, or how I could have said it differently. But I am trying to realize that this is how I will learn, by making mistakes or thinking of better ways of addressing things so that when it happens again I will respond in a better way.

I really miss my friends back home.


Apology of the Day: Jason Alexander’s appearance on The Late, Late Show With Craig Ferguson last week was met with a lot of grief — and justifiably so, as he mocked the sport of cricket for being “a bit gay,” poked fun at the athletes’ uniforms, and even mimicking their moves.

Now, however, he’s offered via Twitter perhaps the best apology letter ever written. Here’s an excerpt:

It is not that we can’t laugh at and with each other. It is not a question of oversensitivity. The problem is that today, as I write this, young men and women whose behaviors, choices or attitudes are not deemed “man enough” or “normal” are being subjected to all kinds of abuse from verbal to physical to societal. They are being demeaned and threatened because they don’t fit the group’s idea of what a “real man” or a “real woman” are supposed to look like, act like and feel like.

For these people, my building a joke upon the premise I did added to the pejorative stereotype that they are forced to deal with everyday. It is at the very heart of this whole ugly world of bullying that has been getting rightful and overdue attention in the media. And with my well-intentioned comedy bit, I played right into those hurtful assumptions and diminishments.

And the worst part is — I should know better.  My daily life is filled with gay men and women, both socially and professionally. I am profoundly aware of the challenges these friends of mine face and I have openly advocated on their behalf.

He concludes:

So, I can only apologize and I do. In comedy, timing is everything. And when a group of people are still fighting so hard for understanding, acceptance, dignity and essential rights – the time for some kinds of laughs has not yet come. I hope my realization brings some comfort.



(Source: thedailywhat)




If studying-lgbtq-people inboxes you asking to take part in questions about LGBTQ people “to help her understand” DO NOT DO IT. It is Sophie M Herold, the girl from Germany who attacks LGBTQ people and outs them to others. She is transphobic, homophobic and one of the sickest people I know. And now she’s back with a cunning new plan to get you NAME, ADDRESS, BIRTH DATE, AND PHOTO.

This girl is dangerous, and for some reason is allowed to keep making new tumblr accounts. We’ve raised awareness before and it helped, so lets do it again before she puts another persons life in danger. She collects your information and gives it out to others, she has sent letters to peoples parents outing them, other people have gotten hurt because of her. Yes, hurt.

Even if we can’t stop her again, get this message out and stop others giving her information etc.

And Sophie, you should know by now not to fuck with me again, wrong move, buddy.

a reminder not to give that kind of information to someone you do not know very well because this has been going on for a while now

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