My phone is being a serious Dick, but let’s see if I can type up this story I heard over dinner. I’d heard bits of it before, but this was too good after hearing the whole thing not to share. I may be biased, though.

I have these two co-workers who are pretty much the exact opposite of each other. One is a woman we’ll call C who is ungodly brilliant and selfless. C is from Taiwan, and she has a bit of an accent when she speaks English. But on top of English and Taiwanese, she also speaks Mandarin, Japanese, and Korean. She is pretty much one of my favorite people on the entire goddamned planet.

And then there is SD. I call her SD for a reason, but we won’t get into that. Suffice it to say, SD is a little… Interesting. I feel sorry for her at times because she is obviously a very unhappy person. I could tell many stories of SD, but I will not. She has some mysterious problem with me, and she is decidedly not one of my favorite people.

As I said before, C has an accent, but she is easy enough to understand if you just, I don’t know, listen to her. SD, being a Super Dick, does not. Every time C talks to her, she acts like she can’t understand anything she’s saying, and maybe she can’t, but SD is super dramatic and dickish about the whole thing. It made C very upset.

Finally, one day, C had had enough. She put her hand up to her forehead and said, “I’ve had it up to here with you.”

SD continued to be Super Dumb, so C decided to flip her off, with both hands, and say, “Fuck you!”

Appalled, SD said, “Do you even know what that means??” And C assured her that she did.

“Listen,” C told her. “You understand me now, you understand fuck you. Well, I’m telling you I’m tired of this. How many languages do you speak? Only English? I speak five languages. I’m smarter than you. So fuck you.”

And I never stopped laughing